Happy Father's Day!

I was walking to the checkout at Target the other day and saw a cool maroon baseball cap that said "Grandpa" on it. If you knew my dad, you would know that he wore a hat just about everywhere. I immediately grabbed the hat, thinking it would be the perfect gift for Father's Day. As I was putting it in my cart, I realized what I was doing, and the tears started flowing. That was the first time I actually thought about him not being around for holidays. People started staring, and I quickly found a quiet isle to hide in for a minute.
I've had such a strange mix of emotions since his death. I never feel sad that he's gone, but in the oddest moments I find myself missing the things that will never be. On the other hand, I know he now has a better understanding of me and who I am. I somehow feel closer to him. For years, the dementia placed my dad in a world where he was constantly being cared for by those around him. It's comforting to know that he is now watching over and caring for me and my family.