Happy Birthday!

For those of you who may not know, my dad passed away a couple of years ago. Well, today he would have been 82! I was going to make a cake, but by 3:00, I realized this was not going to happen. The kids & I hopped in the car and ran to the store to pick out a cake (which turned out waaaaaay better than I would have made). We sang the song, blew out candles, and then went around the table sharing things we remember about Grandpa. Abbie remembered playing with his cane. Ellie said she didn't remember anything about him, and asked if she could say something about the Grandpa who does magic (her great grandpa on Justin's side). Eden & Ammon had no idea what was going on...just happy to be eating cake!

A strange sort of sadness came over me--the realization that my kids will never know their Grandpa in this life. Although, I probably didn't really know him either. He suffered from depression. Then toward the end of his life, he developed dementia. Both of these conditions tend to mask who you really are. Don't get me wrong--I had a number of experiences with my dad that gave me glimpses into who he was. I know he was a great man who was given a huge trial to endure in this life. I know he was faithful, and endured it well. I can't begin to imagine the battle he faced everyday. I feel a great amount of respect for and gratitude toward this man, who could have very easily allowed himself to be defeated. (He was blessed with a wife who could see who he was, and would not allow defeat.) I can't wait for the day when I will know him. I can't wait for the day when my husband & children will know him.

Until then, I want to share what I do know of him...

1. He was sensitive. When I was young (probably 5 or 6), I had nightmares...a lot. I remember one night when I was terrified to be in my room alone. I had come downstairs several times, only to have my mom send me back up with a variety of ideas to help fill my mind with "happy" thoughts. None of them seemed to be working. So I snuck down one last time. I found my dad sitting there. He had been quiet that day. I thought he would shew me back up the stairs, but instead, he motioned for me to come sit on his lap. He sat and rocked me for a very long time without saying a word. After a while, I said "Dad, you don't even know why I'm crying." He said, "I don't need to know why you're crying. All I know is that my little girl is sad." I remember laying my head against his chest and crying and rocking--feeling that he somehow understood. He taught me that one man's pebble is another man's mountain. It's not our place to judge one another's problems, but simply comfort and support each other through them.

2. He was a teacher. My dad was always teaching us about trees and plants and animals (I think he knew something about every animal on the planet). He always seemed to have an explanation for just about anything. He would read the dictionary like a book...especially his medical dictionary. He would pour over his National Geographic, and somehow retain it all. I remember sitting with him on the patio during thunder & lightening storms. He would teach me how to figure the distance of the lightening from us by counting the seconds between the lightening & thunder. To this day, I loooove a good thunder & lightening storm. It's oddly comforting to me. Most of all, I remember thumbing through his scriptures. There were so many notes and markings that you could hardly read the actual verses. I loved hearing him read from those scriptures. He never hesitated to share his testimony with us.

3. He was kind. When my sister, Marie, moved away to college, I was left with a room to myself. Because of the aforementioned nightmares...this wasn't a happy day for me. I kept telling my mom that it sounded like someone was tapping on my window. She assured me that no one could possibly reach my attic bedroom window. She mentioned my concern to my dad, and the next morning I found him on a ladder outside my window, cutting branch after branch off the trees at the side of the house. Walah...no more tapping! Which leads me to...

4. He was handy. I don't think a day went by that I didn't see my dad fixing something. I don't remember him ever calling a repairman. He just figured it out and fixed it. I like to think I inherited a little bit of that from him. My roommates in college used to call me "handy Joe". They said I could fix anything with my little toolkit.

5. He was a fisherman. I remember many an afternoon, sitting on the side of the road in the station wagon, while my dad "quickly" checked out a fishing hole. He seemed to always keep a pole in the back of the car. He would say, "Pull over, Bon. See that fishing hole, there? I'll just be 15 minutes." We would usually wait about 30 minutes before joining him. I loved to watch my dad fish. He seemed at peace.

6. He was generous. Every vacation I remember as a child (excluding a trip to Disneyland), involved some kind of camping. I remember one time my dad struck up a conversation with a family camping next to us. He noticed they owned the exact same station wagon that we had (although, it looked a lot newer and nicer than ours). He mentioned the coincidence to them, and they told him theirs had broken down and they couldn't afford the replacement parts. They brought us some pita bread they had made, and he gave them our address and phone number, and told them if they could make it to our house, they could have our car for parts. It seems like we were in the process of looking for a new car, but that didn't seem to soften the look of surprise on my mom's face. I remember they called, and came. We said goodbye to Big Blue, and hello to The Tank. I learned that day that "things" really didn't matter to my dad. We never seemed to have extra, but somehow my dad found a way to give.

Okay, okay...anyone still with me at the end of this novel, must be family! I couldn't possibly share all I've learned from my dad in a single blog entry. I'll save more for another day. Maybe next year.

Until then, this is one of my favorite pictures of me and my dad...


good things...

1. dads
2. grandpas
3. triple chocolate mousse cake from safeway